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COURTSHIP AMONG THE KUARAFI OF MALAITA:
AN ETHNOGRAPHY OF SPEAKING APPROACH
David Welchman Gegeo
and
Karen Ann Watson-Gegeo
This paper describes courtship and the way disputes arising
from courtship are settled among the Kuarafi, a Kwara'ae-speaking
tribe of North Malaita in the Solomon Islands. The data we present
are based on several years of participant observation by the senior
author, himself a member of the Kuarafi tribe, as well as inter-
views with Kuarafi gwaunga'i ki (leader + [pl.]), from the
mid-1960s to 1977. The analytical framework for this paper is
derived from the "ethnography of communication" approach: we are
concerned primarily with the Kuarafi's own "way of speaking" about
courtship, courtship disputes, and marriage, and also the rhetori-
cal strategies used by participants to accomplish their individual
goals in courtship situations.  Thus, our discussion follows the
Kuarafi people's native taxonomy for the stages in a traditional
marriage and the ways in which such a marriage can be initiated.
This paper is primarily descriptive rather than analytical.
There is no Kwara'ae term for "courtship." We have arbitrar-
ily chosen this word to describe the earliest phases that may
initiate a traditional marriage, including "falling in love" and
having a love affair. The stages in a traditional marriage as set
out by Kuarafi gwaunga'i ki as an ideal type are as follows: gani
kini'a (the asking [for/about] + woman), ba'e kini'a (the taking
[from parents' home] and bringing [to groom's home] + woman--
implying welcome and starting a new life), daura'ia (hanging/
displaying of shell money [brideprice]), and tolonga (marriage
feast). Since the establishment of Christianity, a final stage
has been added: the fakamao (church marriage ceremony; literally
foreign + dance/ritual).
However, the Kuarafi also recognize several ways besides
direct gani kini'a for initiating a marraige: ura'i kini'a,
kwaima'anga, kakabara'anga and lau kini'a/tafi'a. This paper
describes these ways of initiating a marriage, along with a brief
account of gani kini'a.)
We begin with a short description of some aspects of the
Kuarafi tribe that bear on the data presented here, including
certain aspects of Kuarafi kinship and restrictions on marriage.
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The Kuarafi
The Kuarafi tribe is one of several Kwara'ae-speaking tribes
in the Kwara'ae District of North Malaita, Solomon Islands.
Kwara'ae-speaking peoples occupy a large area of north-central
Malaita, extending approximately from Fiu Harbor in the northwest
to Ngongosila Bay in the northeast, and from Uru Harbor in the
Southeast to Rade Bay in the southwest. A Melanesian language,
Kwara'ae is the vernacular with the largest number of speakers in
the Solomon Islands--more than 12,000 people, according to the 1970
census. Very little has been written about Kwara'ae people or
their language.2
Christian missions have been established in Kwara'ae District
since the mid-19th century. Among the Kuarafi, who are scattered
all over the District, the dominant Christian churches are the
Anglican (formerly called the Melanesian Mission), the South Seas
Evangelical Church (SSEC, formerly the South Seas Evangelical
Mission, SSEM), and the Roman Catholic Church. Many Kuarafi living
up in the hill regions (referred to as tolo [bush] people) still
follow the traditional religion of ancestor worship.
In this paper we are concerned primarily with Kuarafi people
today living in the Fiu region of Kwara'ae District. Most of these
people are Anglican and some are SSEC members. They are subsis-
tence farmers growing taro, sweet potato, yam, coconut, and various
introduced vegetable crops, along with betel. They also keep pigs,
chickens, and sometimes cattle, and they supplement their diet by
fishing in the sea, rivers, and streams.
The Kuarafi are patrilineal: all claims to land, possessions,
and other rights pass through the male line. Kwara'ae speakers
distinguish between fu'ingwae, tribe (each of which has its own
name), and futa'a, descent group. "Descent group" is used here to
refer to a group of interrelated extended families (tua'a) linked
through the male line;3 it can also be used to refer to one's
mother's kin. Futa'a literally means born as one of a string of
relatives. Thus, depending on context, it is also used for one's
siblings in the nuclear family. Land itself is owned by the
fu'ingwae as a whole, and rights to its use were granted (in a time
beyond historical memory) in large sections to each futa'a (descent
group). The futa'a has immediate and, for all practical purposes,
ultimate control over its land--it can deny any other family or
group the right to live on its land. The extended family (tua'a)
has immediate and, for all practical purposes, permanent responsi-
bility for a part of the futa'a's land granted to it. The tua'a
holds this land collectively. It is rare that a nuclear family
(also called tua'a) would attempt to claim outright ownership of a
portion of the futa'a's or tua'a's (extended family) land, although
with the introduction of Western concepts of "deeds" and "private
property," land disputes within the tua'a and futa'a are becoming
more common.
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Families live in villages often comprised of groups from
different tua'a, futa'a, or fu'ingwae. However, the land on which
a village is located is always held by a particular futa'a, and the
majority of the population will be of that futa'a. The village
chief must be elected from the futa'a which holds the land, and
generally he will be a futa'a elder, probably in his sixties. The
chief (called sihi or sifi, derived from English) is a recent
introduction through colonialism. Prior to Western contact, the
head of fu'ingwae was the leading fataabu (priest; literally, speak
+ sacred), and village leadership was shared by priests and several
ramo (warrior) of various types. Together, village leaders were
referred to as gwaunga'i ("the headness"; literally, head +
[emphatic]). Today, a chief is loosely referred to as gwaunga'i,
as are church leaders, school principals, and other distinguished
persons (including certain outsiders). Scattered throughout the
district are also a number of custom judges who are called in to
help settle disputes. These judges are also a recent introduction.
The kinship system of the Kwara'ae is classificatory. The
aspect of the system significant for this paper is the reckoning of
"cousins. " One's father's sister's children and mother's brother's
children (cross-cousins) are referred to as di'i fifi or "immediate
cousins" (di'i = cousin). One's father's brother's children and
mother's sister's children (parallel cousins) are classified as
one's siblings and referred to by the same terms: ngwaingwaina for
brother to sister, sister to brother, and sister to sister; and
futa'a for brother to brother. (Today one sometimes hears sisters
referring to each other as futa'a.) The English phrases used by
Kwara'ae speakers for both di'i fifi and cousins classified as
ngwaingwaina or futa'a are "cousin-brother" and "cousin-sister."
Marriage between all cousin-brother and cousin-sister
relationships is prohibited (abu). Marriage within the futa'a
(descent group) is also abu but sometimes occurs between distant
relatives. However, such couples face open ridicule at first, and
they may be gossiped about for years after the marriage. The pro-
scription against marriage and love affairs between cousins is so
strong that cousins of the opposite sex do not go about together
unless they are in groups or accompanied by a younger sibling.
In traditional times, marriageable age was mid-twenties to
mid- or late thirties. Today, however, teenagers often marry,
although parents prefer that the traditional marriageable age be
reached first (partly for economic reasons and partly because of
the heavy responsibilities that come with marriage in the extended
family). The preferred and usually insisted on order of marriage
among siblings is as follows. The oldest son marries first if there
is only one daughter in the family. If the oldest child is a
daughter and there are other daughters in the family, she may marry
first. The second son and second daughter then may marry. After
that, there is no required order of sequence in marriage.
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The main reason for this order of marriage is the requirement
that there be at least two females (mother, daughter, or daughters-
in-law) in the household when a son marries, in order to welcome
the new daughter-in-law and help her adjust to the family. Women
occupy an important role in the marriage celebration, as well. In
families where there are no daughters or the mother has died,
female relatives stand in for and carry out the role of the missing
mother or daughters.
The above is a brief outline of some aspects of Kuarafi
kinship and marriage restrictions that impinge on the data on
courtship presented below, and which should be kept in mind as
bearing upon parental refusal of marriage in some cases. We now
turn to a description of the methods and strategies of courtship
among the Kuarafi: ura'i kini 'a, gani kini'a, kwaima'anga/
kakabara'anga, and lau kini'a/tafi'a.
1.   Ura'i kini'a
Kini is the Kwara'ae word for "woman" or "female."  Ura'i
occurs only in the verb phrase ura'i kini or the noun phrase ura'i
kini'a and is not easily translated into English. Briefly, it
connotes the act of a man standing or sitting hidden in a place
where he knows women (or a particular woman) will pass, so that he
can see them (or her) coming. He would then attempt to approach
the woman of his choice. Even if the man only spies on a woman
(the equivalent of the English "peeping tom"), the term ura'i
kini'a would be applied to his action.4
Finding a woman to marry in this way usually ends in failure.
Perhaps as few as 25% of the men who ura'i kini achieve their goal
in marriage. However, in traditional times this was a typical way
of establishing a relationship, in contrast to kwaima'anga (below).
A typical ura'i kini'a might occur as follows. A man of
marriageable age goes to a place in another village where girls
often meet (such as the mouth of a river to wash clothes and get
water, or to a garden).   He might do this after he has noticed a
particular woman at some public place (such as a market or at some-
one's wedding feast). If so, he may go and hide near her parents'
garden. Or he might be simply trying to find any woman he can
(knowing, for example, that such-and-such a man has daughters of
marriageable age).
The man goes armed, prepared for a fight. He might carry a
club, bow and arrows, or other weapons to fight the woman's male
relatives or anyone around the village who, spotting him and seeing
he is a stranger, would be suspicious and challenge him. Besides,
anyone walking through forest or bush always dau ra'unga (be armed;
literally, hold + weapon), and never goes saba (unarmed).
The man hides and waits. He tries to catch a woman coming
down the path or in the garden when she is alone. He calls to her
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and comes out from hiding to ask her if she is interested in having
kwaima'anga (love affair) and/or ara'inga (marriage).
Should the girl scream, shout for help, and run away, the man
may or may not try to physically stop her. Up to this point he
would not have touched her at all. Or the man may run away himself
before being caught. Having failed this first time, he may try to
meet the woman again on another occasion, or he may ask his parents
to gani kini (see below).
If the woman's male relatives or other men nearby catch him,
he will be beaten. Gani kini'a and therefore marriage is not then
possible between him and the woman. On the other hand, even if he
succeeds in getting away, the girl may have recognized who he is.
Her male relatives are likely to pursue him to his home (if neces-
sary), usually on the same day, and ask him what it was that he was
urani (look for, await, wait to catch, "haunt a place"). They will
question him sharply and angrily. If he denies that he was ura'i
kini and argues that he was actually engaged in some other activity
(such as collecting betel nuts or fruit), or if he denies that he
was there at all, they will call him ngwae soke (liar; literally
man + lie), and they will probably beat him. If he apologizes or
tries to "cool" them down (fa'agwari = [causative] + cool), they
may not beat him up. They may warn him against ura'i kini'a again,
however. In either case, gani kini'a is very unlikely.
Often, if the man has denied he was ura'i kini, the woman's
male relatives will take the case to the village chief for a
village meeting, which is usually held on a Sunday. (Village
meetings are discussed below.) If the man grabbed the woman or
tried any kind of love-making towards her, her male relatives will
ask for compensation at the village meeting. Compensation in such
cases is called fa'aabu (literally, [causative] + sacred [again]),
because she has been technically defiled. Such compensation is
usually either a pig or an amount of shell money, but sometimes it
was also paid in the form of food, for example taro. The amount of
compensation depends on the seriousness of the offense and the
circumstances surrounding it.6
If the woman and the man had noticed each other on a prior
occasion and were attracted to each other (here the man must rely
on his intuition), his ura'i kini'a may have a very different
outcome and might end in gani kini'a. When he approached her from
hiding, she would refrain from screaming and running away, and
would probably not report the event to anyone. Instead she may
speak with him and agree to meet him again. Or the ura'i kini'a
could end in tafi'a (elopement; literally, flee or run away [mutual
consent implied]). If elopement is decided, the woman would prob-
ably tell a sister, cousin-sister, or other female relative that she
was in love with a particular man so that, when they eloped, the
family would know whom she had run away with.
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Ura'i kini'a is still practiced to some extent up in the tolo
(mountain or bush areas) today. There are many legends told to
young boys to discourage them from this practice when they grow up.
It should be noted, however, that if a young man from another
village or a stranger is seen sitting on a log in the bush or near
a garden and behaving fearfully (or in some other way looking
"suspicious"), and if he runs or hides when people approach, then
he may be charged with ura'i kini'a whether or not he has approached
a woman. (This term, however, would not be applied to a couple who
is seen together or caught embracing each other; see kwaima'anga.)
He can be charged before a village meeting and eventually the Local
Council, and even jailed. It is assumed that if he is caught under
suspicious circumstances, he is either ura'i kini, or else a magi-
cian, thief, potential murderer, etc. What to charge him with
depends on the circumstances of his capture.
In all cases of ura'i kini'a, trial can be held before a
custom judge in a village meeting, or brought to the Malaita Local
Council (which happens to be in the Kwara'ae District). Usually
the case would be brought before the village meeting first, and
then if the custom judge considers the case to be serious enough,
he will take it to the Local Council. On other occasions, should
the Local Council hear about the matter before the village meeting
takes place, it may send "messengers" to the village to take down
witness accounts and investigate the case, then set a date for a
trial before the Local Council itself. This would obviate the
village meeting. In still other cases, if the young man had been
seriously beaten, the villagers might decide that the case was too
complicated to be dealt with in a village meeting and would take it
to the Local Council directly. For, if the man is beaten so seri-
ously that he loses any blood, he or his parents can also demand
compensation at the village meeting or before the Local Council.
This kind of compensation is called usu'abu'a (literally, wipe
[away] + blood). Today the Local Council often intrudes because
the policy of the Council and the churches is to obliterate the
traditional way of settling these cases.
2.   Gani kini'a
Gani kini'a is discussed elsewhere more fully, as the first of
the stages in a traditional marriage (see Watson-Gegeo and Gegeo,
in preparation). Briefly, gani kini is a verb phrase referring to
the father of the boy (perhaps accompanied by his married sons, his
brothers, or other male relatives) going to see the parents of the
girl and asking that his son and the girl be married (literally,
gani = ask for + kini = woman). If the two fathers come to an
agreement on brideprice7 a date will be set for ba'e kini'a.
If a man is very shy or has kept his reputation clear (that is,
never has had an affair with any woman), his parents may suggest to
him that they will find a woman for him to marry, and he may agree
to rely on their judgment.
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The couple involved in a marriage has the right of agreeing or
refusing it, even if it was initiated by the parents. The man may
introduce the idea of marrying a particular woman by speaking about
it to a sister, or cousin-sister (such as a di'i fifi), who would
then make it "public" by telling her parents (if she is a cousin)
or her mother (if she is his sister). The news would in turn come
to the man's father.  Then the father comes to his son and says
that he has heard about the young man's interest in the woman. The
son will pretend he has not revealed his feelings to anyone, but
will say that he is glad his father has raised the matter. Then he
tells of his desire to marry the woman. The two of them will dis-
cuss what to do: whether the young man should have a kwaima'anga
for a while first to get to know the woman better and be sure of
his decision, or whether to directly initiate the gani kini'a.
If the father and son agree on gani kini'a, the father will
then speak to his own brothers to seek their advice and approval of
the marriage. For if the gani kini'a is to take place, the father
will be depending on his brothers (especially) to assist him with
paying the brideprice and hosting the marriage feast. In tradi-
tional times, it was a rare man who had sufficient wealth to pay
for a son's marriage by himself without help from the tua'a.
Tbday, with the reduction of the amount of shell money required for
a marriage, most fathers can pay the brideprice. However, in prac-
tice, the tua'a still contributes shell money, food for the feast,
and (Australian) dollars.   (For more on this topic, see Watson-Gegeo
and Gegeo, in preparation.)
In some cases, especially in traditional times, children were
forced by their parents to marry.   (But see the discussion on
elopement, below.)
3.   Kwaima'anga and Kakabara'anga
We come now to the heart of this paper, marriages resulting
from kwaima'anga and disputes arising from kwaima'anga.   The major-
ity of marriages among the Kuarafi today begin with kwaima'anga.
Kwaima means to fall in love, but it is also used for other kinds
of love aside from romance between two people. Kwaima ana is the
verb phrase for loving someone. Kakabara is the verb to have a
sexual affair (between an unmarried couple).
It is the man who nearly always takes the initiative in a love
affair. If he spots a woman he likes (and who perhaps he thinks
feels the same way about him), he will soon inquire through his
friends where she is from and who she is, if he does not already
know her. A woman usually does not take the initiative in a love
affair, nor does she reveal her feelings in an obvious way publicly,
in order to keep her reputation. A flirtatious woman is considered
not a good risk as a wife. Furthermore, a man's parents might re-
ject their son's request to marry such a woman if they hear gossip
about her.
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Attracting Attention and Using Go-Betweens
The man first attracts the woman's attention if he can at some
public place. Typical situations for meeting for the first time
are marriage feasts, ceremonies, days for village cleaning, church
festivals, feasts held to dedicate a building, inaugurations of
leaders, crab collecting, the marketplace, gatherings at someone's
house (for several days) for a death and funeral, or the wharf
(where people go to see off or meet relatives and friends).
Village church functions are not usually such a place because most
people attending them already know each other, or are members of
the same futa'a.
Sometimes a young man or a young couple ask a widow, widower,
or adult who has never married to act as a matchmaker. To match-
make is daukwalo (literally, hold/touch + string), which is both a
noun and a verb. When used as a noun applied to a particular
person, the word is preceded by the personal particle sa (for a
male) or 'i (for a female). The concept of matchmaking is
daukwalo'a or daukwalo'anga (used interchangeably). A daukwalo
may or may not be a relative of the man or woman, and may have
unmarried (but never married) children living with him or her. In
any case, the daukwalo is someone who the young man or couple feels
can be easily approached, and who would allow the couple to meet at
his or her house, usually in the evenings.
Traditionally, the daukwalo is not condoned by the Kuarafi.
A typical case exemplifying the Kuarafi attitude occurred in the
1950s. There was a widow who served as the meeting center for
several couples. She became the talk of her village, and eventu-
ally was charged with daukwalo'a by parents of one of the couples
at a village meeting. She was fined according to the fees set by
the Local Council (one tafuli'ae). Humiliated, she left the
village and took up residence in another village, where she
eventually married. She also changed her church from the Anglican
to the SSEM. It should be mentioned that the fine paid by the
daukwalo goes to the Local Council and not to the village nor to
the parents of the couples involved. Furthermore, if there had
been kakabara'anga between a couple when they were meeting under
the protection of a daukwalo, it is the man's father who pays
compensation rather than the daukwalo.
More common than the use of a daukwalo is the use of a friend
as a go-between in establishing a relationship. We will now con-
struct a typical kwaima'anga of this kind, and follow it through
its possible outcomes.
Suppose Lia, a young man, falls in love with Mola, a young
woman in a nearby village. Lia cannot publicly approach her; if he
tried to visit her at home, he would face physical threat from her
male relatives (father, brothers, etc.; this would be the case if
they lived in the same village, too). Lia and Mola have been
introduced by friends at a public function in the past, and they
106
intuit that they share romantic feelings for each other. The next
step is for Lia to arrange a meeting between them. Such a meeting
is most conveniently arranged on a Sunday, the day when people are
free from other duties.
Near the village there is a river where everyone goes swim-
ming on Sunday mornings when it is hot. Lia knows that Mola often
comes with her peer group, brothers, and sisters to this river, and
he expects her to come on a particular Sunday.
From among his peer group, Lia chooses Ri'i, a boy he trusts
and feels close to as a friend, but who is younger than Lia (to
avoid suspicion by others and also to avoid Ri'i competing for Mola
with him). Ri'i must not be related to Lia or to Mola.
There are several ways in which Lia may reveal his feelings to
his friends and especially to Ri'i. Suppose, for example, that
another member of the peer group is in love with a young woman who
is also named Mola. On more than one occasion, Lia might say,
"What is the name of your girlfriend (kini kwaima; or mete, derived
from the English 'mate')?"   When the other says "Mola," Lia might
say, "Mmmmm (or clear his throat), good name" (sata le'a = name +
good), looking away, smiling, and in this way indicating to his
friends that he is interested in another young woman named M4ola.
Or Lia might mention the name Mola often in his conversation, such
as saying, "When I have my first daughter, I'm going to name her
Mola." Such behavior is transparent to Lia's friends, who will
also take notice of how Lia acts when Mola is anywhere nearby.
Also, when Mola's younger brother is around, Lia may begin
treating him quite differently--giving him food, lending him his
own towel after a swim, asking the boy to run errands for him
(signifying friendship), giving him money for candy or other
treats, and so forth. Lia would not behave this way with a boy
old enough to understand the meaning of his acts, of course.
Nevertheless, Lia's friends would be able to interpret it. Ri'i
may therefore come to know of Lia's feelings indirectly. Or Lia
may simply tell Ri'i directly.
Once Lia and Ri'i understand each other, Lia will say to Ri'i:
"It is very likely that Mola will be coming down to the river today.
This is the moment I want you to do something for me" (implying
that Ri'i should act as a go-between).   Lia will then instruct Ri'i
what to do. "When you see Mola, tell her to go a few yards down
the stream, away from where everyone else is swimming. I will be
waiting there.  Tell Mola I want to speak to her" (saea fuana 'i
Mola nauku oga ala'a fa'inia = say + it + to + [fem. part.] + Mola
+ I [verb. particle] + want + talk/speech + with her).
Lia and his friends go to the river, and Mola and her friends
arrive. Lia will be shy and perhaps say that he doesn't want to
swim; but he will make sure that Mola sees he is there. Then he
goes off to the appointed place of rendezvous.
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Ri'i swims and mingles with Mola's group.  When the oppor-
tunity presents itself, he goes to Mola and greets her and quietly
tells her Lia's message. Mola then floats down the river. She can
go off by herself and up into the bush along the shore without
suspicion because it will be assumed she is doing so for one of
several reasons: to change clothes, urinate, find a leaf to sit
on, find a leaf for sharing food, or find a log on which to float.
When Mola reaches the spot where Lia is waiting, they greet
each other and laugh shyly. Usually it will be the man who begins
the conversation. "Did you get my word?" Mola answers yes, that's
why she came. The two of them communicate their feelings through
facial expressions and body position more than through words:
winking eyes, shy smiles, looking at the ground shyly, looking up
at the sky, turning the face away. In Kwara'ae, one can say "I
love her/him" or "he/she loves me" or "we love each other" or "they
love each other." But one cannot say "I love you." To express
this idea directly one can say one of two things:
nauku oga 'oe = I (verb. part.) + want + you
(which does not connote sexual desire;
oga is used for other kinds of "want" as
in English, however);
nauku oga kore 'oe = I (verb. part.) + want +
marry + you.
However, such a direct statement is less likely to occur in a first
meeting than is an indirect way of talking that connotes the same
thing: baby-talk. By baby-talk we mean the kind of language used
by adults when talking to babies or infants. In trying to attract
Mola's interest in marrying him, Lia might list off all the attrac-
tive qualities that his parental home affords. It is of advantage,
for example, to live near a stream and not far from the gardens,
the market, or the road. Were Lia to speak standard Kwara'ae, he
might say:
(1) Kafo kami 'iri tau go'o (with falling intonation;
literally, water + our + not + far + merely/just).
But in baby-talk, the sentence would come out:
(2) Kafo kami 'isi tau go'o re! (with rising intona-
tion, said shyly looking up to the sky, rubbing
his hand across chin or neck, face away from
Mola; literally, water + our + not [baby-talk] +
far + merely/just + [emphatic]).
Mola's answer to this, should she speak in standard Kwara'ae, might
be:
(3) Di'ia nia 'lra mo ne'e le'a (with falling intona-
tion; literally, if + it + like that [what you
described] + then + this + good = wouldn't that
be just perfect).
But in baby-talk, the sentence would come out:
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(4) 'Ira mo ne'e le'a re! (with rising intonation,
said in a girlish tone, looking at the ground
or into the bush, tapping one hand on her arm
or rubbing one arm with her hand; literally,
like that [what you described] + then + this
+ good + [emphatic]).9
Lia might go on to say that he's in love with (that is,
"wants") Mola but was scared to approach her, and she would say
the same. They then trace all the occasions in the past when they
noticed each other, and the times they tried to attract each
other's attention. This would include mentioning occasions when
they brought gifts (such as cigarettes) for each other but were
too shy to give them, or in Lia's case afraid of Mola's brothers.
The tracing of occasions and planned gifts would be taken by each
of them as meaning that their feelings for each other were mutual
and fairly deep.
Assuming that all has gone well in this first meeting, Lia and
Mola may embrace each other, decide on future meetings, and discuss
whether they should make their feelings public in order to try to
arrange a marriage. Mola will tell Lia about her brothers and
other relatives in order to warn him that he should be careful
should their relationship become public accidentally.
Several meetings of this kind will follow so that the two come
to know each other better. Gifts will be exchanged during this
period, at first through Ri'i from Lia, and through a little girl
who is a friend of Mola's. Soon the go-betweens are no longer
necessary, and, since their existence presents something of a risk
to the couple's secrecy, Lia and Mola will rely on them less and
less. Usually once a couple feels comfortable with each other,
they make up their minds about marriage swiftly. Long-term
relationships prior to marriage are uncommon and never last beyond
a year. Men and women who have one affair after another quickly
gain a bad reputation and are called tafu (garbage, rubbish,
defiled object) and thereafter are avoided by single persons of
the opposite sex.
Coming to Public Notice
Usually it is sisters who figure out that their brother or
sister is involved in a kwaima'anga. This is partly because they
clean their brothers' room and wash their clothes and are likely to
run across the kinds of gifts exchanged by lovers--a gold chain,
cross, handkerchief, perfume, photograph, or letters (if the two
read and write). A sister who is suspicious of her own sister may
search the room for evidence. Also, they are quick to notice any
change in their sibling's behavior that might suggest a romance.
Once a sibling, cousin, or even a friend has found evidence of a
love affair, or has perhaps seen a couple together secretly, word
will come to the parents of one or the other involved. The
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Kwara'ae term for this is kwaima'anga fu (literally, the loving/
love affair + come to public notice).
If the boy's parents find out first, they will say nothing
about it publicly, but they will be prepared for a visit from the
girl's parents. Once the parents of the girl find out, there are
several alternatives possible. We will take the kind of reactions
and outcomes that can occur in sequence, as follows:   (1) the most
negative case (a case leading to a fight, including a dispute
serious enough that it must be settled by a village meeting);
(2) a case leading to argument (which results in breaking off the
love affair, or in payment of compensation, or in a delayed gani
kini'a; and (3) a positive case leading directly to a gani kini'a.
1.   Most negative case:  leading to a fight
with dispute settled by village meeting
The couple must be caught in some kind of act together in
order that there be grounds for the woman's parents to make a case
against the man. Here, we will assume that Mola's younger sister
Siu has seen Mola and Lia together. She will have told her mother
immediately.
Thus the father comes home one evening and finds his wife
upset or crying and asks the reason. She reports what Siu has
said: that she saw Lia and Mola together down by the garden,
embracing. Mola's father will get "hot in the stomach" (oga sasu/
'ako'ako; literally, stomach + steaming/hot = angry) over the
affair involving his daughter. Of course, if Siu had seen the
couple having intercourse, the matter would be considerably more
serious.
A father may say nothing at home, but silently get up and go
over to the young man's parents' house and vent his anger there.
Or, before going, he may tell his daughter he is angry at her for
her misbehavior and even whip her. Or he may criticize and scold
his wife (and perhaps older sons and daughters, too) for letting
this happen, without saying much to the girl herself. He may even
beat his wife. If the mother scolds the girl, she will say some-
thing like this: "Who do you think you are? ('oe kwasi 'uri 'oe
'i tai ne'ana/nana; literally, you + [have] thought in your mind +
you + [fem. part.] + who + that + here).   You are lazy and not fit
(incapable) to join that family/you're not his first love/ his
mother talks too much or fights or yells," etc., to discourage the
woman from wanting the man.
The father is usually the one who goes over to the man's
family, especially in a very negative case where a fight is
expected. If the father of the girl is angry at his wife, she
will not accompany him. However, she may follow after he has left
and arrive while he is still at the man's parents' home. If so,
when the young woman's father speaks or threatens, it is the young
man's father who answers; and if the young woman's mother speaks or
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threatens also, it is the young man's mother who answers: that is,
for each threat, insult, or whatever, the answer is given symmetri-
cally by the sex of the speaker.
Let us assume that Mola's father goes over to Lia's father's
house, perhaps accompanied by his brothers, older sons (which is
even more threatening in the eyes of Lia's father), or possibly his
own father's brothers (uncles) or his own di'i. Mola's father does
not need to recruit men to go with him. They will often follow if
they see he is going somewhere angrily, even if they do not know
what precisely is up.
On arriving in front of Lia's father's house, Mola's father
will shout angrily, "Where is Lia?" (Sa Lia nia 'i fa'i?) Do you
think I'm afraid of your relatives? (Sa tai ma'ungia ma'a 'oe
fa'ida?  That is, who is afraid of your father's relatives?).  Come
out here and face me!  (Koso ma'i 'i ne'e!)."  After hearing shouts
of this kind, Lia's father comes out. Lia himself likely stays
inside, and his mother may or may not come out. However, if Mola's
brothers have come with their father and are very angry, they may
go in the house and pull Lia out, especially if they are friends of
his and feel that he has betrayed them by having an affair with
their sister.
In contrast to Mola's father's manner, Lia's father will be
cool and calm, whether or not he knew about the affair beforehand.
When Mola's father accuses Lia of having an affair with Mola, Lia's
father can rhetorically maneuver by saying that this is the first
he has heard of it, he too is shocked, this is all news to him, he
hasn't heard about it until Mola's father told him about it, etc.
He will remain calm and will present his case in this way: "Let's
settle this. (Koro fata alafe sulia ru ne'e; literally we + speak/
talk + love + about + thing + this.) I know this is bad and a
misbehavior (abularora'a). But this is the way it is with young
people. (Nqwae falafala ki ne'e abula lada 'uri na'a; literally,
people + young + [pi1.] + this + behavior + them + this + now.) We
are distantly related, so let's not fight. (Kulu'a to'a futa'a ki,
noa'a kulu 'iri fu'a; literally, we [all] ourselves + geople + born
kin/brothers + [p1.], not + we + all + not + fight.)11l  The latter
is, of course, a rhetorical statement, since Lia and Mola are not
members of the same futa'a. "They are children, they don't know
what they are doing. (Kiri'a ngela ki, no'a kira 'iri sai le'a ana
abula lada; literally, they themselves + child + [p1.], not + they
+ not + know + good/well + about + behavior + them .)" All these
are maneuvers designed to cool the situation and not open an
opportunity for Mola's father to challenge a fight.
To show how a mistake could be made in Lia's father's rhetori-
cal maneuvering, suppose he were to say with some heat, "I will pay
the brideprice for the girl! (Nai kwatea nqwa'i mani ne'ana kwa!
Literally, I + give + basket [indef.] + traditional money + that +
[emphatic, aloof])" This would be an error in rhetoric because by
this statement Mola's father may infer that the whole affair was
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planned by Lia's parents to begin with. If so, why did they not
gani kini in the first place (which is the "right thing" to do)?
Also, Mola's father may ask for an extravagant brideprice, thereby
taking advantage of Lia's father. Therefore, for Lia's father to
lose his temper and especially for him to offer the brideprice at
this point is inappropriate; he would be considered foolish and
incapable of handling the situation as an adult male. Rather than
resolving the conflict, increased anger and fighting would be the
likely outcome.
Returning, then, to where we left things prior to this
digression, having heard Lia's father's calm words, Mola's father
may also cool down and suggest that they set a date for a village
meeting to settle their dispute, straighten out the relationship
between the two families, and determine whether the kwaima'anga is
true or merely rumor.
Should Mola's father continue returning anger for each calm
sentence uttered by Lia's father, in time Lia's father would also
get angry. Once that has happened, he might say, "I will pay the
brideprice," pointing a finger in Mola's father's face and adding,
"Who do you think you are? (Sa tai rorongo'o kwa! That is, what
is your reputation/how important do you think you are; literally,
who + hears you + [emphatic].) Lia is my son and I can't let him
be treated this way.   (Sa Lia 'alako nau, noa'a nau 'iri kwate ta
sina'i ngwae ka fata go'ana fafia; literally, [masc. part.] + Lia
+ son + my, not + I + not + give/let + any + contemptuous + person/
man + [verb particle] + speak + down on [slander] him.) We are
both males (Koro'a ro ngwangwane ki; literally, we [two] ourselves
+ two + male/man + [pl.])--implying an ability and a willingness to
fight. During this exchange, Lia's father may threaten that he
will bring the case to a village meeting himself, and demand the
presence of a custom judge--usually the most powerful and respected
in the area. If Mola's father knows he has strong evidence against
Lia, he will quickly and angrily agree to this.
Now Mola's father may demand a huge sum, such as 300 shell
money. Lia's mother may come out to support her husband. Mean-
while, village women overhearing may also come out and raise for
the first time accusations that Lia has previously had affairs with
their daughters. They too may begin making demands for compensa-
tion. A fight may ensue.
The sound of this much argument or the fight itself will bring
other men running outside, and possibly the village chief, to break
up the fight and to see that nobody is hurt. Usually the women,
especially elderly or distinguished women of the village, step
between the sides. In all situations, they can stop a fight more
quickly than men can, by custom. Following the fight a village
meeting will be held, if it is early in the day; otherwise the
meeting will take place the following day.
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The Kwara'ae term for village meeting is 'ala'anga (literally,
the speaking/discussing), but village meetings are today also
referred to as miting (derived from English). Although here we are
concerned with a dispute that arises from a love affair, the manner
in which any dispute is settled at a village meeting follows the
form we are about to outline.
It is the chief who calls the village meeting. In traditional
times, village meetings would have been called by an important
gwaunga'i or person serving under the fataabu, as mentioned earlier.
In many cases a custom judge will also attend the meeting, along
with nearly everybody else in the village, but especially members
of the two extended families involved in the dispute. Village
meetings are one form of community education because through
attending them young and old learn more about falafala (custom) and
the rhetoric of dispute settling.
The meeting takes place in the gwaurau (village meeting house).
The chief calls everyone's attention, and the local catechist or a
person with some religious education and who is respected by the
community offers an opening prayer. In an Anglican village, the
prayer is a standard prayer asking for God's guidance, one used on
many other occasions. It may be said either in English or Kwara'ae.
In traditional times, a pig had to be offered to the ancestral
spirits first during the day, and the meeting was held afterwards
in the evening. The ritual of offering the pig, called gani fa'a
le'a'anga (literally, ask + [causative] + goodness; that is, ask
blessing) was conducted by the fataabu.
Following the prayer, the chief would begin by saying, "You
all know why I called this meeting, because of what happened today/
yesterday. I am ashamed (as leader of the village) that something
like this should happen to us. (Nauku 'eke fafia na ru/ngilongi-
lo'anga nini fuli saena fanoa; literally, I + shame + because of it
+ the + thing/row + this + happen + inside + village.) I am
ashamed that you are fighting each other.   (Nauku 'eke osi'ana ne'e
kamu fu'ali kami talamu'a; literally, I + shame + because of + this
+ you all + fight between + you all + yourself alone.) Let's
settle this by starting from the beginning. (Kulu didi sulia
etangilana ru ne'e; literally, we all + settle + going through +
its beginning + thing + this.)" (If a custom judge is present, he
takes over the meeting from here, conducts the questioning, renders
the decision, and imposes the settlement.)
He will then call upon Mola's father to explain how it was
that he became angry at Lia's father. On the other hand, if Mola's
father is still agitated, he may burst out without waiting to be
called on. Mola's father will speak of how it was he found out
about Mola and Lia: "I was returning from the garden yesterday and
when I reached the house I found my wife crying and she told me the
news (fa'arongo'a = the report) about Mola and Lia. I was shocked
(lebe) and I became hot in the stomach. . . ." He will go on to
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explain what occurred next. Nobody will interrupt him, for he will
be speaking very angrily.
When Mola's father has finished, the chief will say, "Thank
you for telling us all about how you became angry.    (Le'a liu 'oe
ko fata sulia fulilana saeta'a'anga 'oe; literally, good + very =
thank + you + speak + about + its + occurrence + anger + you.)
According to custom, this is very humiliating for you ('eke =
shame/humiliation). I know that you do not have a reputation for
breaking out in anger/asking for a fight from your neighbors."
This is a rhetorical statement made whatever the man's actual
reputation may be. "I want to help cool you down from this anger.
So let's go to the root of the matter (Kulu eta ma'i ana lalina
kwaima'anga ne'e; literally, we all + first + this way [from there
to here, in this direction] + its root + the love affair + this)--
who saw Mola and Lia together, who reported on them," etc.
Mola's mother may try to interrupt with an angry statement,
directed at Lia and his father, and others of Mola's family might
join her, usually the women. But the chief will say, "No, stop,
this is confusing. (Mango basi [na 'ala'anga ne'e] firufiru 'ala;
literally, wait/stop + at this point [that is, "no, stop"] + [the
+ speaking + this] + confusing/spidery [like a spider's web].) Let
one person tell his/her story.   (Ta'i ngwae 'ala'a; literally, one
+ person + speak/speaking.) Who saw Mola and Lia--who witnessed
it?"
If Mola's sister Siu is shy, she may not answer. Mola's
father may say, "My wife (referred to by her name, not as wife)
told me that it was Siu who saw Lia and Mola embracing
(kwaiofi' i 'anga) ."
Then the chief will ask Siu (who is sitting with her mother)
to relate what happened. Siu begins, "Since we were young, Mola
and I always have done things together. But lately her behavior
to me has been strange. She goes out/sneaks out alone to do
things. I have been suspicious that either Mola wants to be
independent (leka ta'ifilia = go alone, in the sense of independ-
dence), or that something else is on her mind (nama ta ru fata
liana = or + any + thing + speaks [to, on] + her mind). I've seen
strange gifts someone has been giving her and she has accepted a
different woman as a friend (nia leka na'a fa'inia ti kini matamata
= she + go + has + with her + some + woman + different) ." This
latter would be said if Mola and Lia had been using a daukwalo. If
Siu mentions this, the chief will ask, "Who has she accepted as a
friend? ('I tai ne'e nia leka fa'inia? = [fem. particle] + who +
this + she + goes + with)"
If Siu mentions someone known to be a daukwalo in other cases,
everyone begins to murmur in a way suggesting that they believe
Siu: Ru baera ne'ana, meaning "That's no news to us" or "She's
done that before" (literally, thing + that [past] + that [there]).
If a person not known to be a daukwalo before is mentioned, people
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will express surprise, and the chief might question Siu again to
make sure of the woman's identity.
In any case, the chief will argue, "But that does not mean
that Mola is having an affair with someone." Siu may say nothing
more or burst into tears; Mola may also burst into tears herself,
now that the meeting is getting closer to the core of the matter.
Should Siu weep, the chief will say gently, "Now daughter/
granddaughter, don't cry (Teo'ana 'angi'a defo nau/ko'o nau = stop/
lay it + crying + daughter, maiden + my/granddaughter + my). Just
tell us the whole story and I'm sure we'll all feel better/cool
down."
Siu goes on, perhaps sobbingly: "The other evening Mola went
out and I went after her because we were supposed to go to evensong
(for example), but she didn't come back to get ready. I saw her
and Lia near the gardens"--talking, embracing, kissing, or having
intercourse.
Several things could happen at this point:
(a) Mola's father may stand up and ask for a fight, scolding the
chief with "Is that what you want to hear? (Ru ne'e 'oko oga
rongoa ne'eri? = thing + this + you + want + hear it + that
[just said]; or 'oko rongoa? = you hear?, which is to say, are
you satisfied?). Do you think I'm trying to cause trouble in
this village or that I am jealous with my daughter?" If Mola
has brothers, they will stand up and challenge Lia's brothers
to fight them if Mola's father has stood up. Furthermore,
women may raise previous affairs they claim Lia has had with
their daughters but which they never raised before (as they
had done whem Mola's and Lia's fathers were arguing prior to
the village meeting). If this happens, Mola's father will be
against any marriage between Mola and Lia, fearing that Lia
would continue to have affairs with other women after marriage.
The women who accuse Lia of having had affairs with their
daughters may demand compensation, and Lia's father may now
have to pay them as well. Or the chief may say that these new
cases are a separate issue, and the other parents will have to
ask for a later meeting to settle them.
(b) The chief may say, "Now we have heard the story. Is thus true
(mamana)?" turning to Mola. If Mola admits the affair, and
admits also to having used a daukwalo, the chief will ask the
daukwalo how he or she got involved. The daukwalo will
explain that Lia and Mola had requested it. The chief will
sternly say, "You know that this is abu according to our
custom." Mola's mother may call the daukwalo rude names--ru
daukwalo! (literally, thing + daukwalo) is itself a scold; or
"fyou filthy woman" ('oe 'o kini 'usu = you yourself + woman +
prostitute). But the chief will probably intervene, saying to
Mola's mother, "Now wait, you are bringing in a different
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matter. Be careful, for you can be sued for what you are
saying." If the daukwalo is known for serving this role, a
trial for him or her may take place at this moment, and the
chief can impose a fine. Or the chief may decide to put the
daukwalo on trial later after the love affair issue is settled
first. In the case of someone who has not served (or been
known to serve) as a daukwalo before, the chief may strongly
warn the person of future consequences of daukwalo'anga.
(c) The chief may ask Mola if Siu's statements are true, and if
Mola admits so, then the issue of what settlement should take
place will be addressed next.
(d) Lia's father and/or mother may stand up and argue that Lia was
elsewhere at the time of the alleged rendezvous with Mola. A
new debate will ensue, and the chief will question Mola or Siu
further in order to verify what happened. If there seems no
doubt that Lia was involved, then the meeting moves on towards
settlement.
Once Mola admits the love affair, the chief will say, "It is
true now," meaning that he has rendered his verdict. Mola's
father, mother, brothers or other relatives may say to Lia's
parents something like "Well, there you are, it has just been
proved," which amounts to a challenge to fight. The chief will
calm down this potential fight. He may ask Lia himself to admit
the affair, which Lia will very likely do.
With the affair established as a fact, the chief will then
say, "Now it is up to both parents (Bali kamu na'a te'a ma ma'a =
side + your al + now + mother + and + father)." If the couple has
had sexual intercourse (kakabara'a) with each other, the chief will
say, "This is not just kwaima'anga. If you want to stop it and
have Lia pay compensation, you can; or if you want Mola to marry
Lia, it is up to you.  But you know the consequences (to Mola's
reputation if they do not marry, or to Mola emotionally)."
Mola's mother may say, "If Lia and Mola want to marry, all
right. Just give me (and here makes the demand of what she wants)."
Mola's father will apologize for his outburst. If Lia's parents
are agreed to pay the brideprice, he will say, "Just give me (X
amount of) shell money."
If Lia's parents do not want their son to marry Mola, however,
the chief will say that Lia's father has to pay compensation if
there has been kakabara'a.  Compensation for kakabara'a is a fine
set by the Local Council; usually, it is one red money. If only
kwaima'anga was involved, the chief will lecture Lia and Mola, but
no compensation will be paid.
If Lia's parents and Mola's parents have agreed to the mar-
riage and set the brideprice, then gani kini'a is seen to have
taken place here in the context of a public village meeting.
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Tb close the meeting, the chief says again that he has ful-
filled his role, and the matter is now up to the parents (Nauku
fa'aburia na'a bali nau = I + cause to be behind/done away with it
+ already + side + my; or Bali nau sui na'a = side + my + finish +
now/already).
In the case of a fine, Lia's father will present the shell
money immediately (in fact, he may have brought it with him con-
cealed in a basket, expecting such an outcome, especially if two
villages are involved, since he is expected to pay the fine on the
spot).
Whatever the outcome, with the settlement over the chief (or
custom judge) declares the matter ended and thanks everyone for
their cooperation. The same person who offered the opening prayer
now offers a closing prayer, either another standard prayer or one
he makes up on the occasion. Then the meeting considered to be
adjourned.
In rare cases, if Lia's father has lost the case and has paid
a fine, Mola's father might try to begin a fight again after the
meeting. This would never happen, however, if a respected custom
judge were present, nor if the marriage had been agreed to.
A few days later, Lia's and Mola's parents will exchange food
gifts to finally bring relations between them back to normal (if
the outcome was a fine). If marriage is planned, a week or two
later they will meet and set the date for ba'e kini'a.
2.   Case leading to argument and breaking off the
relationship/compensation/delayed gani kini'a
Not all cases end with a formal village meeting, of course.
Returning then to the point at which Mola's father and other mem-
bers of the family confronted Lia's parents: after an argument
Mola's father may begin to calm down. He may apologize, saying he
is ashamed of his behavior and sorry for his outburst. The two
fathers may shake hands (lately introduced by the church, govern-
ment, and military in World War II). Lia's father may say, "I'll
speak to Lia (about what he did--how he should behave). After all,
Mola is a cousin-sister to him" (this, of course, is rhetorical).
Lia's mother may also scold Lia herself.
Mola's father goes home. Perhaps in a week or month's time,
if Lia still wants to marry Mola, he will find a way to raise the
topic to his father. He can speak to him directly if he wishes,
because the kwaima'anga is already public. On the other hand, he
may give the message to his father through a sister. Meanwhile, if
Mola is still interested in Lia and he makes no move to reestablish
their relationship, she herself may send word to make inquiries as
to whether he is still interested in her and in marriage.
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If the couple still wish to marry, and Lia's father agrees, he
may go to see Mola's father.   This going would be gani kini'a.
Mola's father, in fact, will be expecting such a visit, and he and
his wife and family will already have discussed the marriage and
made a decision. If they are going to agree to the marriage, they
also have in mind what price they will ask.
Should Lia's father come and Mola's parents are undecided or
against the marriage, outright refusal will probably not be
expressed. Mola's parents may say they are still ashamed of their
earlier outburst and not ready to negotiate the marriage, suggest-
ing that Lia's father return later. If Lia's father is perceptive,
he will be able to tell whether they are implying merely a delay or
that they don't want the marriage to take place at all.
The most negative kind of case described in (1) above was
nearly always the outcome of kwaima'anga in traditional times.
Although it is rare today, it still does occur. The kind of case
described in (2) was very common about 20 years ago and occasion-
ally happens now.
3.   Case leading directly to gani kini'a
If both parents have found out about the kwaima'anga and if
neither opposes the relationship, Mola's parents will be expecting
Lia's father to come and will be prepared for his visit.   (Gani
kini'a is described earlier and explained more fully in Watson-
Gegeo and Gegeo, in preparation.)
Elopement
There are two kinds of elopement. Lau kini means grab and
flee with the woman, and presumes that the elopement is against the
woman's will. Tafi means elope, and implies mutual consent. Lau
kini'a occurred occasionally in traditional times, but is extremely
rare today. Tafi'a, however, is common in cases where a woman has
no hope of gaining parental permission to marry the man she loves
for one of several reasons:   (1) because her mother is dead and she
is the one raising her siblings (see "The Kuarafi," above);
(2) because she is the only daughter and has to wait for one of her
brothers to marry first (see "The Kuarafi," above); or (3) because
she believes her parents will refuse the man since they want her to
marry someone else. If the man whom her parents favor is unaccep-
table to her, she may be willing to elope. If he is acceptable to
her, she will agree to her parents' wishes even if she prefers
another man over the one they have chosen.
Elopement entails the assumption (at least) of sexual inter-
course, and therefore must always end in marriage. In other words,
it is a strategy couples may use, if necessary, to force their
parents to agree to their marriage. Nevertheless, the woman's
parents can still refuse to allow the marriage and demand
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compensation from the man's parents.  Such a move, however, is
extremely rare.
Marriage Today
The influence of the churches, the colonial government, and
cultural change itself have contributed to bringing about the
decline of the kinds of negative outcomes described in (1) and (2)
above. In urban areas today, in fact, a matchmaker is recognized
as valuable and helpful to a couple, and his or her activities are
not negatively sanctioned. In fact, matchmaking in urban areas is
not considered daukwalo'anga in the traditional sense. In tolo
areas, matchmaking has declined because it is less needed today.
With village training centers, schools, marketplaces, and other
social centers, there are many more opportunities for young people
to meet than formerly, and parents today are less rigid about their
offspring's behavior. However, kakabara'anga is still considered
very shameful: getting pregnant outside of marriage is a matter of
great shame to the woman, her parents, and her extended family.
Love affairs remain a somewhat touchy issue because marriage
is a serious matter to families. A couple is expected to behave
very differently after marriage than prior to marriage. For young
men and women jolding jobs in urban areas, marriage usually means
returning home to live with the new husband's family, at least for
a while. Marriage is still deeply involved with rights to land and
other possessions, the binding of families togther, and a host of
kin obligations. Thus, especially for young men, marriage means an
end of irresponsible youth--wandering about from island to island
taking temporary jobs, wearing flashy or Western hip clothing--and
the immediate expectation of producing and rearing a family of
one's own children. Marriage is a major adjustment for young
couples. Previously married members of one's peer group can help
a newly married person make this adjustment, but, once married, a
man or woman is expected to more or less give up his or her unmar-
ried peer friends. To be out drinking with one's mates until all
hours of the night after marriage is supposedly prohibited, for
examples.
Love affairs are also a touchy issue for two other reasons.
For a couple to cohabit without benefit of marriage is strictly
abu. Similarly, divorce is virtually unheard of and would bring
great shame to the family. If a Kuarafi man and woman divorce, the
woman may return to her family. The man will probably leave his
village and go to live with other kin elsewhere. Or he may take a
job in Honiara, thereby leaving Malaita altogether. Both will feel
great shame and embarrassment. Technically, the Malaita Local
Council and the Anglican Church forbid either partner to remarry
unless one of them dies. If the couple has children, usually the
man's parents will claim them and rear them themselves.
119
Conclusion
In this paper we have briefly described courtship and the
settling of courtship disputes among the Kuarafi of Fiu area. Al-
though some expatriates and anthropologists who have worked on or
briefly visited Malaita claim that Fiu District has been "spoilt"
by modernization and that little of its original traditions remain,
we have shown here that falafala is alive and well among the
Kuarafi. In courtship and marriage, as in many other aspects of
Kuarafi life, the Kuarafi have adapted to and learned to manipulate
the customs and institutions introduced or forced on them from the
outside. Nevertheless, so far they have not confused the "new"
with the "old," nor abandoned falafala.
Notes
lWe do not claim to be presenting an exhaustive description of
Kuarafi courtship here, of course, but rather an outline of it.
For a full description of a traditional Kuarafi marriage, see
Watson-Gegeo and Gegeo, in preparation.
2For example, see Deck 1933-34, Hobgin 1934, Ivens 1930-32, and
Keesing 1973. Most of what has been written about the Kwara'ae
peoples is very misleading, and sometimes simply incorrect. The
authors are currently working on a dictionary of the Kwara'ae
language and an ethnography of the Kwarafi tribe.
3Other writers, such as Hobgin (1934), have used the term "clan"
to refer to descent groups on Malaita. The senior author feels
that "clan" implies too rigid a boundary between descent group and
tribe. A Kuarafi's basic identity is with his or her tribe, and
secondarily with the descent group. When referring to ancestors,
Kuarafi speakers use the term fu'ingwae and not futa'a to mean
ancestral members of the descent group. Futa'a is used only for
living members of the descent group, but fu'ingwae can also be used
for living members of the descent group. Compare Keesing 1971 and
1971a.
4However, peeping at women who are urinating or defecating at a
toilet in the bush (outhouse) is called kele fa'i kini (literally,
peep + with/which has to do with + woman). The penalty for being
caught at this is even more serious than for being caught at ura'i
kini'a: being whipped, paying compensation to the woman, paying
compensation to the village, and paying compensation to the Malaita
Local Council.
5A man may also ura'i kini in his own village, but given the risks
involved and the probability of establishing a relationship through
kwaima'anga or gani kini'a, it is less likely.
120
6If the woman was raped, the compensation clears her name of
defilement and makes anyone who gossips about her afterwards liable
to being sued by her family. She is completely eligible for mar-
riage as would be a virgin. Emotionally, of course, she will find
it difficult to recover.
7In traditional times, the minimum brideprice would be between 10
and 30 strings of shell money (tafuli'ae), each of which consists
of 10 strands of shell discs strung together in six-foot lengths.
Shell money is also called "red money." Today, to distinguish
shell money (traditional money) from Australian/European money, it
is called mani tolo (literally, money [of the] + bush [land]--that
is, indigenous). Mani is a Kwara'ae word; its similarity to the
English "money" is entirely coincidental. Today, the Anglican
church has forced reduction of the brideprice for a virgin woman
to five tafuli'ae. The SSEM abolished the brideprice altogether in
the 1960s. Besides the brideprice, the two sets of parents must
agree also on the marriage feast, and the woman's parents may make
other demands in addition to shell money (see Watson-Gegeo and
Gegeo, in preparation).
8The sentences in English which follow for the remainder of this
paper are as close as possible to the way they would be expressed
in Kwara'ae. In many instances, we give Kwara'ae equivalents to
show the sort of rendering most often used; however, these should
not be taken as formulaic or ritualized, and many alternative ways
of saying most things are possible.
9These sentences are given as written in Kwara'ae: that is the
underlying form as recognized by Kwara'ae speakers and as usually
written by them. The same four sentences if written as spoken
would actually come out as follows (because of metathesis and
syllable dropping):
(1) Kaof kami 'ir tau go'!
(2) Kaof kami 'is tau go' re!
(3) Di'ia nia 'lar mo ne' lea!
(4) 'Iar mo ne' lea' re!
l?Since the introduction of Christianity, the sentence "We are
people in the Church (Christians)" may be substituted here, especi-
ally when the two families are not members of the same fu'ingwae.
(Kulu'a to'a saena Lalusae, noa'a kulu 'iri fu'a = we [all] our-
selves + people + inside + Church, not + we [all] + not + fight.)
Sometimes the man's father might argue that fighting is now illegal.
The woman's father would angrily retort that the government is an
introduced authority (Na gafamanu ne'e ru fi'i dao = the + govern-
ment [derived from English] + this + thing + just + arrive [on our
shores]), and that he is following falafala (custom).
121
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